It is Mother's Day this weekend I think to myself. I am supposed to be happy as my own children spoil me like they can do! But I cannot enjoy Mother's Day without remembering my dear Mom that passed 3 years ago. Oh I miss her so much.
My Mom was always the life of the party and I am told I am just like her. I have memories as a child of my Mom getting on top of a picnic table dancing and beating herself black and blue with her tambourine. Then she got cymbals later on and adapted them with elastic bands to bang between her knees while banging her tambourine on her hip. I need to add that she didn't really drink and was completely sober! Yes Mom you made us laugh!
My Mom was also the disciplinarian of the family and when you were in trouble you knew it! I swear she could reach from the front of the huge station wagon to the very rear to give me a whack for smart mouthing! She was also quite handy with the hair brush on my buttom. Yes Mom you made me cry.
My Mom was with me through the birth of my 2 children. When my oldest was born, a beautiful baby boy, she reached out and held him before I got a chance! She formed a special bond with this son and he grew up with Grandma as his best friend! She would do anything for him. She would take him fishing to the local fishing pier and would sit in the hot car reading a book for hours as he fished, never once complaining. Yes she made him smile!
My Mom was with me during the birth of my daughter. She also got to hold this beautiful baby but after me, I made sure! My favorite memory of my Mom and daughter were of a Xmas
where Dad was recovering in the hospital from an illness and Mom spent the night at my house.
By this time she had held my hand through divorce #2 so it was Mom and I and the 2 kids. We made hot cocoa and went out looking at Christmas lights. My cute little daughter looked at a lit up lawn decoration of Mary and Joseph as my daughter yelled out, look grandma it's John Smith and Pocahantus! My Mom laughed so hard she wet her pant. Yes she made me smile.
Mom ended up wheelchair bound and ill and had to go to dialysis 3 times a week. She still managed to get to bingo a few nights a week, driven there by my sister-in-law. When she got tired of the dialysis she called me and said she had had enough. I am the nurse in the family and all this fell on me. I told my mother that I would have to come visit and talk. I packed a bag and told my husband that I had to go to my Mom and would be gone as long as she needed me.
I got to my Mom and she said she wanted no more dialysis and was tired of it. I told her to think about that as she knew the outcome of stopping dialysis. Several hours later after she had a nap I sat by her side again and asked her is she still felt the same way. She said yes and that her mind was made up and no way, no how was she going to return to dialysis. Yes she made me cry.
I called Mom's Dr (this was a Saturday afternoon) and he promptly called me back, and when I
told him about Mom's decision he got choked up as he told me he would call in Hospice. A little later I was surprised as Hospice nurse showed up at house. Normally when someone stops dialysis it takes a week or two to pass. I called all my siblings and they immediately made way to Mom's house. As always when we were all together the house was full of laughter and I could see the contentment in Mom's eyes with all of us there. Within hours of us all being there she got tired and asked to go to bed and get a nap. Little did we know she would not get up again as we were only 1 day past dialysis and surely had another week to share with her. But as always Mom did things her way. On Monday afternoon the Hospice nurse came to visit and my Mom told her to leave her alone jokingly and let her sleep (I have to add that my Mom threw a few explicatives into her statement). We all had dinner that evening but Mom slept. She awoke for a little bit and asked for a cigarette. I sat with her as she enjoyed her smoke, 2 cigarettes one right after the other, as if she knew these would be her last! She then drifted back to sleep. This time it was a deep sleep and she never awoke again. Later that evening her breathing became a bit labored as all 5 of her kids stood around her telling her goodbye and when we all finished she mumbled "Look, what is that up there?" with a big grin on her face and she peacefully took her last breath and passed away. Yes she made me cry.
I miss my Mom so and I chat with her time to time. I hope she hears me and knows how missed and loved she is. I am often compared to her by the family and am told that I am most like her. I smile and take that as a compliment. Yes she still makes me laugh, smile and cry!
I hope as I live on my children love me and remember me as fondly as I remember my Mom.
So as my lovely 2 kids honor me on this Mother's Day I will feel proud and happy to be a Mom and a little bit sad. I think they will understand................................